Frequently Asked Questions
As this is still a brand new page obviously
not many questions have been frequently asked but if you have
question about Australia then you can contact us, we'll try to
help you with anything you would like to know and if we don't
know we'll make something up!
Q: Do you have electricity in Australia?
A: Yes, but not everywhere, at Cape Tribulation in
the Daintree, North Queensland, we don't. More
info..
Q: Will we see kangaroos hopping through the streets?
A: Yes, in Cooktown
you can see them at night, and in Canberra
they have come in to the city parks during droughts.
Q: Will there be crocodiles in the streets?
A: Only during high water, like during the king tides
in Cairns where one poor croc got run over by a car in the industrial
area and during the floods in Katherine where an aerial photograph
showed a crocodile in the middle of the main street in front of
the supermarket swimming along.
Q: Do you have monkeys in Australia?
A: YES! Several zoos throughout Australia have monkeys!
There are none in the wild, if you look at the world map and follow
the islands of Indonesia along in you will notice that (if you have
a good map) somehere to the east of Bali, there is a line on the
map called the Wallace line. This is where Mr. Wallace, a Pommie
biologist if I remember correctly, noted the changeover between
Asian and Australian flora and fauna.
Below is a list of not too frequently asked questions:
Q: Can I pick up my camper van in Auckland and drop it off in Darwin?(Belgium)
A: Sure, take a ferry, change the registration plates from New Zealand
to Australian, and find a way to calm down the people you rented
it from when they hear where their vehicle has ended up.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain
on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places
to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send
me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay?
(UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which
does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday
night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get
here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y,
which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every
Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come
naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled
and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I
forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop
out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath
them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine
before you go out walking.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the
girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
Dear Webmaster down under,
we are a middle-aged couple and have a little son of 6 who is very
fond of animals. We thought of getting him an Australian pet and
like to have your advice: Should it be a young croc, a koala or
a cangaroo? And should we employ an aboriginal nanny at the same
time to help our son getting along with the strange pet?
Dear Fritz and Gretchen, the choice of the right pet depends on
a few factors;
The crocodile will need water to swim, so you need to have a swimming
pool or live near a lake. Your Aboriginal nanny will have to work
seven days a week and watch the croc all the time, as the croc will
grow and when it gets to about one and a half metre it can eat your
son.
The koala will need to eat eucalyptus leaves, so you must have
some of these trees in your garden, or in a nearby park where the
Aboriginal nanny can walk the koala every day, but it must be kept
on a leash as otherwise the koala can climb high up a tree and then
when it gets stoned from eating the eucalyptus leaves it will fall
asleep and not come down again for a few days.
If you get a big size kangaroo then your son can sit in the pouch
and enjoy to ride around, but you will need a big house and a big
garden to give the kangaroo enough space to jump around, the Aboriginal
nanny can probably train the kangaroo to take your son to school
and pick up again in the afternoon.
I hope this will help you to choose the right pet.
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